This picture is one of the most repugnant pictures I have ever seen.

I know that Brown is well and truly buried but surely the UK doesnt deserve these smug buggers. Osborne, tory boy, Cameron, tory boy - I can deal with these morons. Hague though, eurgh....yuk yuk yuk. I cant get the image of this man (?) wearing a baseball cap attempting to be hip and cool. Now he is rubbing his hands awaiting tory victory so that he can finally masturbate all over himself.

''La la la la..... I cant hear and you I dont care!'' say the British public... or should I maybe say some pseudo average middle class person outside a Tesco (Tesco!) in a town/village/london suburb. Yes its anti EU spin time at the BBC! I just went on the BBC 24 website and caught the end of a report on the 'bent fruit' EU ruling. Its amazing how this type of case inspires the British public. It went something like this:

BBC reporter: would you buy this carrot? (show the man a picture of a carrot that looks something like a penis)

Man on the street: 'Yeah, 'thass alright...Im fed up with this EU regulation nonsense - once that carrot is in the pan and cooking away I dont care if its the shape of Michael Jackson's cock'.

And thus the ignorance towards the EU continues.

Why, why, why BBC wont you do a proper report on the EU or at least try to understand what this case was it about? No, no, no its good to tell the public about bendy bananas and the relevance paaaaaaand aint it?

Going green is easy….except when it comes to eating flies

When I first moved to London I was pretty sure that all my greenness would fly out of the window and I’d rely on public transport, stop recycling and shave on a daily basis. This was the case for a while and I didn’t cycle anywhere for fear of being mugged, run over stabbed or shot. But this time last year was the turning point and I decided to fetch my bicycle from a friend’s garden in Colchester and take it into London. I arrived at Liverpool Street and had no idea how to get to the flat - I literally relied on bus routes and maps provided in parks to get me home. In short the 35 minute cycle route that I now know well took two hours. At home came the compost bin in the garden and the kitchen box for recyclable goods. Then I bought low wattage eco light bulbs, grew tomato plants and a beard. For my 25th birthday work colleagues bought me a bike helmet as they too feared that I would get run over/shot/stabbed/raped and thrown in a river etc. Today I can confidently say that I am the greenest I have ever been. I rarely eat meat, I share a lot of my meals with flatmates and I have a beard. I haven’t started drinking my own recycled urine yet but you get the picture. On a dry windless day I can cut through London on my bicycle like a hot knife through plasticine. From my flat to Covent garden takes 25 minutes. I can sincerely say (and do tell everyone I meet) that cycling is safe in London. In fact this has been proven by research in Holland and Belgium – cycling in cities is usually safer as cars are more aware of the bicycles whereas in small villages (where people tend not to cycle) more accidents occur. So next week will be one year cycling in London. It will also be one year of the compost bin. Yesterday me and a flatmate decided to rotate the bin as this is apparently supposed to speed up the process of rotting old fruit n veg. To be honest we didn’t have a clue when we first got the damn thing and so we certainly didn’t have a clue on how to rotate it. The compost bin stinks and there are flies. Slinkiness and flies. It all goes in your mouth – flies and all. And it stinks. Basically you shovel the top ‘soil’ and place it on the top of the fresh peelings/egg shells/tea-bags. The middle collapses and the composting continues. Hopefully by the end of summer the house will have enough soil to create a garden for winter vegetables. It doesn’t take much effort and it really is about hearts and minds rather than hard work. This is just my beginning but until they invent cheap and efficient electric cars (or the car like in back to the future that runs on banana skins) I wont be changing.

Still I can point to one or two things I have definitely learned by being hard up. I shall never again think that all tramps are drunken scoundrels, nor expect a beggar to be grateful when I give him a penny, nor be surprised if men out of work lack energy, nor subscribe to the Salvation Army, nor pawn my clothes, nor refuse a handbill, nor enjoy a meal at a smart restaurant. That is a beginning.

[George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London].

Oh dear, Winston Churchill’s grandson didn’t do too well on BBC’s Famous and Homeless last night. But the thing is that there’s not much difference between me and Churchill Jnr.
I live in the UK’s largest city and I see homelessness every day outside cash points, tube stations, shop doorways and parks. I hunch my shoulders, look at the floor and ignore them. I say ‘no’ immediately or I’ll smile nervously if it is one of those tramps that crack a joke. Sadly, s/he will have probably cracked the same joke and asked the same thing 100 times in that one day. More ridiculous and awful than this is that I live next door to a homeless shelter. Next door to me is the Matthew Community, home of the homeless - where people come 24 hours a day for food, a shower and maybe if they’re lucky a bed for the night. When I first moved in next door I was full of interest and excitement. ‘Wow’ I thought, I’ll get see homelessness first hand and be a true middle class renegade! That’s exactly my first thoughts – about myself – I thought it’d be an excellent chance to show to myself and others how wonderfully opened minded I am. What a richer person will become! Within a week I was sick of the old Irish girl Christine who sits on the stairs smoking cigarettes all day. ‘I’m 86 you know, on the streets for 40 of them and an alcoholic for 20 0f them’. She repeats this on a daily basis. Now after one year it is: ‘alright Dave, how-are-ya?... I reply: yes I’m fine Christine, how are you?’ as I quickly open the door and shut out the shitness that is neighbour. So my dream of sitting on the steps talking to the Matthew Community’s clientele about life and love faded pretty fast. As soon a flatmates bike was stolen my initial reaction was that it must be one of those bastard drunks next door. Of course it was one of them! They need bicycles on the streets! Tramps on bikes! No, I thought, probably sold it to get a hit of heroine because all tramps are heroine addicts!

Months passed and I bought Orwell’s Down and Out in Paris in London. How noble of me! How clever I am?! I will read some Orwell – that’ll make me see things clearer. Somehow my poor behaviour got into my conscious, my how-are-ya’s with Christine were getting blunter. I wanted to scream ‘shut up you old bint!’ Stop smoking all those cigarettes and sod off!. So, Orwell it was and brilliance is what I got. I snapped it up and thought long and hard about Orwell’s brilliant descriptions and feelings of the homeless. A lot of the book talks about poverty and homelessness but a large part of it is about humanity the goodness of man. But the sad truth is it didn’t change me too much. I still give my mundane ‘I’m fine’ to Christine. I still think ‘lazy buggers’ about the queues of people at the steps when I step out to unlock my bike. My point in all of this is that we (as relatively wealthy people) want to do something – we genuinely don’t want people on the streets begging and living in piss and shit but the truth is its ridiculously hard to change one’s mindset to Jesus-mode. I can read my books and have conversations with friends about equality, poverty, the class system et al. But the reality is that it’s about changing the mindset.

I am desperately, desperately trying to change my attitude with all this. Last week I invited who I thought, was one of the ‘workers’ from the Matthew Community in for a meal and a drink. It turned out that Sergio was not a worker – he was homeless – there are no ‘workers’ just volunteers in the Community. I felt bad and then it hit me. All the fancy talks I have with friends and loved ones about equality and fairness are just balls. I live in an ivory tower. (‘Oh society must do this and that’ there needs to be sea change here and there…’) because next door are living in a much equal conditions - more so than the one I always rant about. There’s no moral ending here except that the BBC are right to talk about homelessness… it’s a profound and difficult subject..

Blaaady Frogs

As a Europhile and Anglophile I am becoming ever more anxious about what the EU elections will bring next month. I have just spent the last 20 minutes or so going round in circles on YouTube watching Nick Griffin interviews, commentary and BNP rallies. Every time there is a local election there is always a tabloid driven fear that they may grab something, but in the end it never happens – that is, until the BNP got a seat on the London assembly. The number of candidates and the number of voters are on the rise – both have risen slowly since the mod 80s – but have really swelled under the leadership of Griffin. I’m interested in the BNP for many reasons and I am interested in the attraction – ultimately what type of people vote for them. Why do they do it? What do they hope to achieve? Do they really understand the BNP and what it stands for? My favourite grenade to throw in to a talk is the story of Nick Eriksen, one of the candidates for last years London Assembly election. Nick, writing on his blog stated that Rape is pure poppycock – ‘women are like gongs, they need to be struck once in a while’. Nice.

When the membership leak came out last year I nearly wet myself with pleasure. Who are these people? I immediately searched the list for old primary school teachers, friends and family. I searched street names, towns and postcodes. No one came up of course but then this list was all but a few of BNP membership. Now though I am scared. Unlike a lot of people I mix with I do know some semi BNP supporters, wannabe Nicks I call them (at the very least I know a fair few people who will defend Nick Griffin). My fascination comes from here. I know the mindset of the BNP supporter. Maybe not the average mindset, but it’s certainly a popular and growing one: ‘I don’t like foreigners coming here, stealing the jobs taking the benefits and faaahking off back home’. BNP supporters in my eyes have gone beyond race (whatever that is) and colour. It is about nationality and culture nowadays. The second root of my interest is that I know these blaaady foreigners. I am the only English person living in the 4 floor house I reside in. I went to multicultural university where, again, I was the minority. I have heard first hand what people think about England and more importantly the experiences they have had in England. With these two mixed together with a general understanding and belief that 90% of the British media is corrupt I am scared that the BNP will grab a seat in the European Parliament.

Last week I went to see English People Very Nice at the National Theatre. The central theme to the play that’s set in Bethnal Green is that the UK is built on immigration -from the Romans to the French - from the Russian Jews to the Commonwealth countries and EU free movement of today. Everyone in the audience (including me) slapped their knees and laughed loudly with their big teeth at the anti French jokes that were made by one of the central British characters. I laughed at the Jewish jokes and stereotypes of the Indian and Pakistani characters that cavorted on stage. The mainly middle class white audience however drew eerily silent when the play reached the 1980s, which took on the birth of the National Front (one of the main characters falls for an Indian man). It grew even more still when the topic of post 9/11 came up (daughters of immigrant moderate Pakistanis turn fundamentalist). I too went quiet and realised that the play was not a simple satirical jab at immigration or a grotesque stereotype fuelled script - it was an excellent reflection of what we are witnessing today. It confirmed in my head all that I have ever believed about being English. I understood that we, as a collective, who were just 20 minutes ago laughing at the cheap French gags were watching a razor sharp manifestation of the current climate. On the one hand we are of course a lovely, quiet, reserved and gentile nation (‘after you love’) and a frustrated and disillusioned nation on the other. We don’t mind ‘them’ coming over here – just as long as they don’t live next door to us.

Bringing this back to today and the BNP - this is what is worrying. The ‘just as long as they don’t live next door to us’ is not the only issue of today, it is beautifully combined with recession, immigration (on a scale that the UK has never witnessed before) and most importantly with a disillusionment with politics and England itself.

I dont really have much to say towards the protest that was held today in London. I was at the weekend protest which was silly and disjointed and I was at Trafalgar Sq. today with my lunchtime sandwich, which again was silly and absurd. The thing that has caught my eye today and really sums up the mess that the world is in right now was the parking of one certain gentleman's car. For me this says oh too much of where my thoughts are right now - the absurdity that is uber-masculinity. The video is too good. I love the way the chap conducting the driver moves the woman out of the way, as if to say 'hey, outta the way here comes a big car to save the world' whilst she goes on to prune herself ready for the presidents arrival. Every man at work today was talking of 'the Beast', its brilliance, its style (?), panache and that it can even withstand a nuclear war'. Okay. So this is where we are at after thousands of years of civilisation? Great!! All hail the car!

He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past

I Was going to save this update fro when I finished Down and Out in Paris and London by Orwell but tonight I discovered something far too good to resist. Currently I'm halfway through this book and on my third of six Orwell books that I want to read. In essence I am in Orwell land. Down and Out is a book that i have wanted to read for ages but I am glad I have left it until now as it is about being poor - hopelessly poor. I am not poor by any means, in fact I bought a book case from Ikea this morning (procrastination in its purest form - three modes of transport across London just so I had an excuse to not do any work or look for a job, read the depressing news or procrastinate in obvious things like washing up). But back to my discovery. Well, if you type in my postcode into google (or any London postcode) you will get a red blob with the letter 'A' inside it. Click on that A and you'll get a few links. Click on 'Street View' and you will see my salmon coloured terrace house in the summer sun. On the steps next door you will see some lovely people from the homeless refuge that's been there since 1968. On the steps leading up to the salmon terrace you will see my flatmate - shades on, can of four becks under one arm, guardian under the other - smiling to the camera. For an example of what I am talking about here is where Orwell worked and based his (presumed biography) book 'Keep the Aspidistra Flying'.

The relationship my discovery tonight has with Orwell is, for me, overwhelming. The reality that he dreamed up in the 1940s is oh too true today...however I don't want this update to turn into a Daily Mail execution so I will leave it there.


My personal Big Brother watching over me.

Errrrrrr....

At 1 minute and 19 seconds Gordon's hands are actually making a 'heart' shape. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7922135.stm

Skint

I've just come back from the 'big' Sainsburys in town with £4.70 in my pocket. Money that was this morning a pot of 5ps, 2ps and pennies sitting on my desk. I am officially skint. Skint at least until friday. This week I have had to literally survive on all the rubbish that has been left in the fridge, cupboards and freezer. Ive cycled pretty much everywhere and pretended to be asleep on trains where need be to avoid the ticket man.

It all begun on monday when I had to buy a new power supply for my laptop which blew my budget out of the window. The honest truth is that it has been a refreshing few days. Knowing that you cant buy this or that shows you what crap we usually buy (usually in excess).

Of course this is how I should live my life all year round but I know that Friday lunchtime I will be in Eat in Holborn biting into a brie ham and cranberry baguette.

Snow!

Dogs

Hampstead Heath

Jesus's House

Bertie outside Jesus's house

A hill

Some cars

Jardin de la paradis

Out in the cold

I have never really been interested in EC competition law (or law in general?) but this year its hard to ignore. The feeling is reflected at university and whilst teaching I've been shocked at the amount of emails and that people are willing to stay an extra 10 minutes to talk about the economy and Europe. Well, ever the eurocentric, whats going on?

Well, I just saw a bit of the darling Peter Mandelson on BBC breakfast talking about the 'strikes' with the ever annoying & patronising Bill Turnball/Sian Williams duo trying to make him say 'yes those bloody Italians are taking the jobs and we're all very upset and an awful government - so much so that I will whip myself silly when I get back to my Kensington Palace'. Now then, I want to believe that this is purely a knee jerk reaction from a few xenophobic (and upset) workers in various international companies but I also want to believe that this is part of something much bigger - that the EUs 'laissez faire' approach is now starting to crumble. As much as the Daily Mail will attempt to amplify and indeed exaggerate the current state of play as something new-the reality is that its been going on since the 1960s (or possibly since the middle ages?). The EU operates on free movement ideology - the core foundation with which the institutions work with. Free movement of goods means that we get cheap(ish) Food, CDs, DVDs, books and clothes and all other kinds of delightful consumerist products. Free movement of capital entails those cheap holidays in Spaaayne* and Rhooadz. Free movement of persons translates to the notion that I can go study/live/work in any of the 27 EU member states meaning that for every picture of an dirty Italian using his middle fingers to express affection to the British paparazzi - there are British workers working as Hairdressers or Plumbers in Mallorca and lawyers in Brussels. So theres a bit of a strike that has something to do with foreign workers. Now then, aside from this one of my favourite past times is to look at the Daily Mail comments pages - these reflect what the 'real man' of England thinks and here you can find some real corkers:

Does Brown McBean and Nu-Lie-bour not realise that the majority of people in Britain do not want to be in Europe ! Oh, he didn't give the British people the referendum he promised, so he doesn't know then does he. I must be really thick !!

- John UK tax payer, Ex Pat, Bangkok, Thailand, 2/2/2009 4:52

Ahhhh...John the ex-pat who lives with his Thai-bride, so frustrated was he that he took his fat arse over to Bangkok to moan to the good people of Thailand about how crap Britain is whilst bolting down an English Breakfast (extra bacon please!). But John's got a point which I guess I have been to proud to admit. The UK does need a referendum. 'The people of Britain' need to have a voice and to once and for all make a decision. But really I am intrigued. What would happen? We would pull out, lose our free movement status, have no control on the budget, no access to state aid, no funding for research (especially when we're leading the way in Climate Change!). Essentially we'd fall into decay like my rotten back teeth - thats what would happen (but we'd have our paaahnd and sovereignty!).

I dont have the answers and I never pretend that I do but one thing that I have learnt in my short pathetic existence is that most people reject things because they dont understand them. They're ignorant as to whats going on across the pond. I should know as I was for some time thinking the exact same way - as do many people who are the the product of a working class family in the UK. So what to suggest? Well, maybe it would be good if schools started to teach a class along the lines of 'what happens outside of the UK/other white countries we have conquered'. At school we were taught a subject called PD or CIS...or something... which was basically citizenship. This was OK up until the fact that it only encompassed the UK and what the UK is about...and how you can claim benefits.... but why not throw in what the United Nations stand for - or what the EU does... hell, why not teach da kids a bit about the world rather than making us draw (and remember) what the inside of a British WWI trench looks like?

Ok, I have gone off on a tangent but my point is that the WildCat strikes that are taking place at the moment in the UK can easily spin out of control and turn into some kind of pseudo xenophobic/racist attack on our fellow Europeans which will feul the already anti EU press. What needs to be realised is that these strikes are the consequence of free liberal markets that have dominated the EC for four decades and something that we have benefited from (Auf Wierdersehen Pet!, Basildon/UK ex-pats in sunny Spaaayne). But we are really at the cross roads here: more anti EU sentiment will only push us further away from the EU (and interestingly Obama's America) - we need the EU more than ever before (Look to our Nordic Neighbours Iceland).

Beyond all of this, the real reason for the bitterness is a mixture of the obvious economic downturn, but also the deep thorn in the UK's side which is that we do not lead Europe - and when the UK doesnt lead in something it loses interest and the public turn against it... this has happened with all of our Commonwealth 'friends'. Nonetheless the EU is changing - probably (and hopefully) the biggest since its birth in 1957. There will be a new Commission and new elections in Parliament. There are climate change deals, economic deals and that silent Treaty who will eventually creep up and bite Gordon Brown on the bum... but the big issue is whether we bother to participate and discuss what the EU is about or do we continue with the same 'Tony, Ex-pat builder/taxpayer/daily mail reader who lives in Torremolinos' attitude.


*Spaayne rhymes with Wayne