Ooooooo-hoooo-hooooOOOOoooo la la la la lah.....

...sings Bob Dylan's backing singers as the intro credits for the Big Lebowski roll. Some days you you can have the faith and belief of a 4 year old and other days you just dont want to get out of bed. Today has been the former. I have just finished my two hour teaching for the week and I feel at home. The last month has been a bit of a downer as I have had very little to do. I have realised that I just have to stay focused and busy with things otherwise I will lose track of my goals.

I now also realise that when at Essex I am in my comfort zone. I know the area and some people and the teaching is good. Its sad to see it as a comfort zone but that is what has happened. Once I got here I instantly felt good. but this also made me feel that I missed london. Its odd. I am not exactly a londoner, nor do I feel so attached that I would call it 'home'. But for now thats what it is. I look forward to going back there, but I also like to be here for a bit. Sometimes I think that I havent moved on and that can be interpreted in many ways but then I think of London and I realise its an achievment-at the very least to know my way around th city.

Having said all this, I will be glad to leave my comfort zone. I have no immediate plans for post-teaching (except maybe marking) but I will 'just have to wait and see'.....

Last night on Question time I witnessed one of my (former) heroes Alex 'I make cheese' James take to the stage to defend his views in front of a mildly Conservative audience. He was, in a word, an idiot. I was hoping for him to punch his fist into Oliver Letwin's stupid face, but did he? No he just mumbled something about going to a grammar school and asked if there were any muslims in the audience. Wheres Damon Albarn when you need him?

Anyway one of the final topics was about the EU and the Lisbon Treaty that is going through the early motions in Parliament this week. The point that was the best - which came from a lib dem - was that the real referendum that the public want (but doesnt realise) is a debate about what Europe is about and whether we want to stay in it or not rather than what the Lisbon treaty actually means (in essence, not much). I have been writing my proposal over the last few weeks and for me this seems such a crucial point. The way that Europe has been handled in the UK since 1973 is quite poor. This is unsurprising considering that we had Thatcher in power for most of that time, however what is surprising is how Brown has handled it: turning up late for the summit and leaving Milliband to deal with it all. He is either very stupid, or is this what the EU has become? A political community that gets delegated down to ministers. Who knows. What is Clear is that the Lib Dem chap on Question time was bang on - the majority of the UK doesnt really understand what the EU is. And sadly hardly any of the undergraduates in the tutorials understand it either (except The Suns Up-Yours-Delores quote).

Overall I do think Cameron is a pleb and deep down really is an Ultra Tory in EU policy but I can agree with him that the UK needs a referendum or debate. It needs educating on some of the basic principles of the EU: Human rights, free movement, subsidiarity...otherwise it will only stand for Polish immigrants and nice little houses in Spain and France for BNP voters who think 'ahhh this is what Britain used to be like'.

Last week my grandparents came and dropped off a television to our flat which was very nice of them. But the thing is that I haven't had a telly since August so as soon as it was switched on my eyes have been sapping at the coloured pictures taking in all the usual stuff that has been on Bristish TV for the last 6 million years. The usual thing happened to me-I began watching Eastenders. Eastenders, the soul of the nation... the inner monologue of the working class people of the South East! Apple and Pears ...two Paaahnd a paahnd a banana....what you looking at? You mug...' and all that. Anyway it turns out Ian Beale is now preaching why its not cool to be homophobic and Walford has its very own non-swearing hoodie gang assaulting.....Dot Cotton (who else?). Hey, Eastenders knows the score. If you want to know whats happening in the UK then watch it. Accordingly London is full of poofs and hoodies....which sounds like one of Boris Johnson's policies to combat Ken 'im mates with Damon Albarn' Livingstone.

Speaking of bum face Tory-boys I also watched Michael Portillos programme on how to kill someone humanely. Everyone knows Mike as the face that symbolised the fall of the Tories under John 'more peas' Major in 1997. However I have taken a liking to 'down wid da kids' Mike, thats right i like the little rascal. Actually I have secretly admired him after watching him a few years ago in another programme where he swaps life with a single mum in Liverpool. But this programme proved he's a good ol bean. It received a lot of negative media such as what was the point in frying a dead pigs face or killing a rabbit with acid? But I thought the approach was good. Anyone could have made a programme that consisted of the presenter saying 'oooh killing is evil, America is backwards... look what happened to this poor sod.etc. But my mate Mike was more interested (and shocked! He has feelings) at the lack of research that had gone into execution processes in general. Not a bad turn around for a chap who supported (and voted for) the death penalty under Thatcher. Bless him. The little scoundrel.

So due to the telly situation today I have gone to the library. I am supposed to be putting together a proposal for Helsinki but instead im reviewing the TV for the last week. Time is slowly running out, in fact i have 12 days to finish it.

I wish Eastenders was on tonight.

I’ve gone mental with the coffee today and now I can’t concentrate on anything. The only thing I am capable of doing is writing blog updates and rambling emails to various people who I wouldn’t email in my normal state. This has led to some good results as today I finally joined IALS the most reputable law library in Europe. At lunch I visited the main building which is an eyesore amongst all the nice buildings at Russell Square, however it pretty much has every book you could possibly need. The EU sections is more or less the size of the law section at Essex so there is no reason why I shouldn’t get my proposal ready for the end of this month. This is pretty much all I can think of lately. I have sent my proposal to everyone who can possibly help me and now I just need to take his or her comments and do the do…. But the truth is I can’t bear to look at it. Yesterday I worked out that I have two weeks tomorrow to finish it and theres a lot to do.

I will go to the IALS tonight and work until closing time and hopefully get a draft done by Sunday.

Over the years I have learnt from a certain somebody that its good to listen to what your body is telling you, that it is OK to eat outside of the ordinary or ‘set’ times during the day and It is fine to sleep and lay in bed until midday. Sod what everyone else thinks. What do they know? Grudgingly I have accepted this, I say grudgingly because I used hate to sleep late or eat outside of breakfast, lunch and dinner. In the past I have been sadly proud of my ‘skills’ that allow me to wake early and stay awake all day without naps or a rest. This has slowly changed and I am no longer ashamed to wake at 1pm on a Saturday or take a nap in the afternoon. But for the last week or so I have been tired beyond compare. I could blame it on all the stress that is ‘life’ but for now I can and will blame it on S.A.D. That’s right, seasonal affective disorder. I go to work feeling tired, I sit at work feeling tired and I come home feeling tired. All in all I am constantly tired and lack the motivation to do anything. Hopefully the storm clouds will leave Britain and the cold bright January that we should be enjoying will appear.

Apart from this everything seems to be going fine. I am glad to be living in London and although the first few days back from being away in Finland were harsh I have slowly got back into the swing of London life. Whilst my day job is a bit tedious I am happy to know that the teaching will start again soon and I will receive word from Helsinki regarding my application. I am happy to be living rather than existing. This is a corny and unoriginal slogan that middle-aged hippies use but that’s how I feel. I know that the doors are open for me and I know I am not scared to approach them-I just have to get my lazy power-napping arse back into gear.

Upstairs Downstairs

Today at work I have literally been running up and down the stairs doing the odd jobs that I should have done before Christmas. Today there was also an interview that I had to take care of which meant running upstairs to take candidates to the right room make them tea and generally act like servant. This afternoon I have been down in the basement with a friend going through some old government papers that go right back to 1942. The job that we ‘volunteered’ is essentially to throw everything away that has a letter ‘D’ on it (d=destroy, a word that I find too harsh for such a simple action). The building I work in is an old 1960/1970s building that looks like it belongs to East Germany. Anyway the basement is even worse. Its almost like being in a war museum where you can experience what it was like to walk around Churchill’s war rooms however the reality is that this is where they keep all the old government documents-that me and Harry have to DESTROY. Its dark, quiet and rat droppings everywhere and now (after having a break) wonder why I volunteered to do this job. On the other hand its pretty cool. You get to read all the hand written documents from the war right through to the 1980s on Council tax payments, town planning and employees lives. Apart from the documents there are all sorts of miscellaneous junk all over the place. In particular (and my favourite) is a picture of the queen. There is a picture of the Queen on the 4th floor, but this painting (real painting) is massive and I imagine that it was in the entrance of the old land registry building. These kinds of things fascinate me no end. There’s also some cool ashtrays from the days when you could smoke in the offices, some old quality street tins and another of my favourites-old newspapers! It’s a shame to throw them all away but that’s what we’ve been told. Boo.

A new year and a new era.

Today has been the one of the longest days in the history of long days. I flew back from Finland early this morning and went straight into work which Is where I write this now. I would like to give an update of the year that seemed to have flown by however I am too tired an certainly confused to comment on how it has turned out. The simple truth now is that today is a new year and with new eras come new and exciting journeys and adventures. I will (once I have a sleep!) give a full update of what’s going, what I have learnt and indeed what the future holds!

Finland was excellent and if I don’t mind saying so it was a well deserved rest for me and Vuokko. I laid in bed, went for walks and spoke with what have now become good friends and confidantes. I generally feel refreshed after what has been a difficult year, however for now, as I write this, I am tired and in need of a cup of tea and a custard cream.