Maybe I'm Amazed

I just listened to Paul McCartney's first solo album which I've been meaning to get for ages but for some reason I've never bought. I don't know if its because of how I feel at this particular stage in life or because I love McCartney's music -maybe its a it of both - but anyway its just brilliant. Its so simple and beautiful. Maybe you have to understand what the guy was going through to get the album but even if you don't know that, its just brilliant. What a musician.

My Imaginary Allotment

I've been stuck in bed all day today fighting some weird fever/vomiting illness that just wont die. Out of sheer boredom I decided that the best thing for me to do was to have something to look forward to. When I get ill I usually make a pact with myself, something along the lines of 'when I'm better, I promise I will be active, say hello to my neighbours more and fix that bloody drawer that doesn't shut properly'. Of course, once the illness has passed my pact goes out of the window and runs down the road shouting 'loser'. I then go back to eating crisps, laughing at crap panel shows on bbc iPlayer and banging my drawer until it closes shut.

Ah ha!

But today I thought to myself, 'hey why not do something now so that when the repercussion comes you will have to do something you lazy shit.' So I've ordered myself a potato grow bag.According to the website I should e able to yield about 20-30 lbs of potatoes over the winter. Yeah eat that Boris Johnson! My real pact though is that when the spud-bag arrives I will get more of these little sacks that sit out in the garden. Peas, carrots, peppers, maybe a goat... the list is endless. The truth is that come March I will probably end up with a mouldy sack damp with next doors cat wee.




The soon to be cat-piss-infested potato sack

What has become of the green pleasant fields of Jerusalem?

Today we will see the Lord Turner and the Committee for Climate Change flex their muscles for what is surely to be the most untimely advancement in the last three years of the world going 'green'. The Committee will essentially set out emission targets for the the present and distant future governments at a time when most people are losing sleep on how they can feed their consumer habits. Economics and Environmental Policy have apparently never seen eye to eye - that is until the Stern review of 2006 which essentially predicted what is happening right now: the economy works with ecology. If were having difficulty digging it out of the ground and pumping it into the air then we're going to have difficulty filling our bellies with food. So here we are, 2008 will soon see in 2009 and will ultimately bring us to one of the biggest recession the west has witnessed. It will cost Europe at least twice as much as the two world wars put together. Scared? Well, Lord Turner doesnt seem to be. Lord Turner, you see is also the new Chairman of the FSA and is also backing the Government with the expansion of Heathrow. You just cant make these things up.

We will have to wait and see if today's news will put the UK at the foreground of emission targets but what is more interesting and important for me is whether we have learnt anything in the last few years? Surely now is the time to start growing your own potatoes in your back yard? To cycle to work on that bike, to stop those cheap flight holidays and pull on the extra cardigan for the sake of the electricity bill? I've been thinking of what I should do with this blog for a while and there's just one thing for it - it has to turn into a 'holier than thou' green blog. I cant hide it anymore, I cant resist the smugness of cycling everywhere I go and recycling everything I buy (almost). Being green is like being a Catholic...you've got to spread the word.

Casa de Dramatismo

I am living in a strange Spanish-cum-latin American comedy/soap opera. Its true. All of my flatmates are from a Latin descent and some days it really feels like a punch line will come and the credits will roll to the sound of pseudo audience applause and laughter. Each of my flatmates have their character, the busy mum, the drunkard dad, the wayward hippy daughter. They all have their distinct trades (Teacher, Carpenter and Journalist). Then there's the boyfriends, girlfriends, friends and more friends of the flatmates. Musicians, air hostesses, shopkeepers, gardeners, lecturers, cleaners, plumbers. Mix all of this together and you have a Latin cocktail of music, dancing, talking food and talking. Especially talking. Once youre in the kitchen you can be stuck there for a minimum of one hour, and it always ends on the same topic : politics. Whether its Galtieri or Zapatero, the talk will always be how awful or great the leader has been. Of late it has been how awful Johnson is, the Colombian flatmate is adamant that Boris is an awful awful man that mirrors everything that is wrong with the UK. ''Dayvid I have a been in this coo-ntery for thixteen years and this a man isa not good....he is a wanker''. This sentence is usually the opener for him to pick up the Evening Standard and point to page 7. Anyway, I dont want to sound like a Boris obsessive, because I am not.

The main thing is that the Latin soap opera is passionate and I have learned that if you want to be in the show you have to play the part. Be dramatic in political and historical debate, laugh when the men laugh, catch the winks, slap each other on the backs and generally not behave so British.

Cos Im a Muswell Hillbilly Boy

Its been well over a year now since my obsession with the kinks began and I still cant stop listening to the genius that is Ray Davies. I dont know why no one introduced me them earlier but I am glad someone did. Its a dangerous phrase amongst music gurus but The Kinks truly are one of my favourite bands. Lately I have discovered Ray's catalogue of theatrical work - which is grotesqley silly yet tender and to the point.

I think I could sit and write all day about what the kinks are and what they stood for but I shant, I will just leave it here with 'Til Death Us Do Part' which is lovely and beautifully delivered and Cricket, which is...well... just silly.

Recently I have been going on the Daily Mail website to get my kicks. Its sad but here is one of the best comments I have ever read. It's taken from an article about the divorce thats about to kick of between Matt Lucas (of little britain) and his partner. Here we go:

This proves what a silly idea the whole "gay marriages" thing is in the first place. And how fitting it should involve someone from the disgusting rubbish Little Britain, a show which symbolises how this country is going down the drain,. We don't want these people's sneering comedy, or their unwholesome lifestyles, imposed on us by Mr Brown.
- David Greatbatch, Banbury, Oxfordshire, 18/6/2008 16:58

Sorry? Eh? WHAT? Gordon Brown?

I could deconstruct the two sentences (although this one has used a comma and a full stop) but obviously the best part is the Gordon Brown comment. Its Gordon Browns fault that the Daily Mail is creating this 'news' to disgust you!

The Sun is also another good option which has gone Sarkozy crazy. Apparently the French (or the EU?? I dont think the Sun can make up its mind - or distinguish between the two) want to build a Euro - Army. This headline then leads to an absolute confusion of terms, and of course - good old xenophobia, dodgy photo-fits and montages. Needless to say, I just dont get the revised song lyrics to In the Navy. What are they on about??

Margaret Thatcher was a hoochie mama or 'The Apologies of a Serial Ranter'

Today I was going to write about fancying the young Margaret Thatcher and why the BBC have all of a sudden felt the need to portray the old hack as human being but instead something much more interesting and closer to my heart (Sorry Maggie) caught my eye. Its pretty much the talk of the town that petrol prices are going through the roof and drivers are filling up everything they can from petrol cans to hot water bottles, so its little surprise that the woolly left media are embarking on a discussion that I have rehearsed in my head for years. It is terrible that farmers are having to stoop to hatching deals with local filling stations to run their tractors - but what is not awful is that people are having to queue up at Tesco to fill their Mercedes Coupe with over priced fuel. I wont go into the economics of the oil industry nor why petrol is so expensive - the reason being that the answer is simple-we're running out. The story of Russia racing to the North pole to stick a Russian flag in it last year seemed to have shocked (and disgusted) a few people who knew what it meant but has since sadly died...nonetheless this is the terrifying truth that oil reserves are so low that man will have to dig under the last unspoilt place on earth so that he can fill his car up with petrol and drive to work. Ok Ok, oil doesnt just fuel cars (it also allows silly men to fly Amy Winehouse out to Moscow for an hour show!!), but my point here is simple: we need to rethink why we are still driving excessively here in Europe.

Dramatic? Utopian? Maybe, but this weeks strike related fuel 'crisis' is a small hint as to what the future may look like. So whats the alternative? Many will point to short term solutions such as bio fuels. Ah yes! Bio fuels, that lovely fuel that looks like sunflower oil and can be grown in your back garden - not the one that starves out developing nations! Others say electric cars -where does that electricity come from then? From the wind turbines silly! You know, the ones near the Norfolk coastline and the Highlands - the ones that just about cover 0.9% of the UK's energy consumption! The challenge is real and immediate but the answer in theory is simple. More public transport -trams, buses, trains and why not the hell not - rivers. Better and efficient cycle lanes, better pedestrian footpaths and better town planning.

Ok, my point is simple and I will try not to spell it out like I am some kind of anti car mentalist - cars are unnecessary and make you look stupid.