All's Well That Ends Well.

Tonight I had to say a few goodbyes to a few people. Over the last five or so years I have toughened up to making parting gestures however it still hits me to say goodbye. I have met so many people over the last few years and as my time here at Essex is almost reaching the 'end of an era' period I have to go through this process once more. I have of course been thinking about the last five years at Colchester and there is so much to comment on i just wouldnt know where to begin.I discussed this with one of my friends, Remy, who leaves tomorrow. I have no conclusion for any of my time here at Colchester and i think that I can only look forward to the future as that is the only one thing I can control. I usually desperately try to evade corny cliches or over used sayings but the truth is what is done is done and what is about to happen can be shaped by me and only me.

Im sure over the coming weeks I will probably have a few mini 'come downs' that enter this blog and will mention my time here. But I think that I am more than ready to leave Colchester and the time is long due to make a new start.

I could now try to make a cheesy connection between Blairs departure and my closure here but I wont. That's just too much.

Today has been pretty good so far. I have managed to finally apply to Kent for the PhD which was slightly scary and exciting at the same time. The application is online which was good as I hate my handwriting (erhh! we're not letting 'im in, look at his handwriting, and he cant even spell assisstant!hahahaha... etc). I also bumped into one of my old lecturers who put the final nail in the coffin with regards to going to Kent. He told me basically it will look much better on my C.V and the EU ties that Kent hold are opportunities that very few universities have. He also gave me a few contact details of colleagues he knows in Dutch and Belgian universities.

Vuokko also came out with a blinder that will always stay in my head. Whilst rushing off to work and listening to the daily politics show, she quickly spurted another of her witty one-liners. Something along the lines of 'it must be really embarrassing to be a far right conservative'.

Today I had a really odd moment in town. I went to claim our deposit back form the letting agent (which has been reduced from £500 to £480 due to a non existent door bell that we stole) and was stopped by a SGR Colchester radio reporter asking what I thought about Tony Blairs departure and Gordon Browns entrance. Although I have a hell of a lot to say about this, i just couldn't sum it up in two sentences, which is what the reporter wanted. Like most of these moments in life it was only after the action has taken place you realise what you should have said. The thing that struck me the most though was that the reporter worded the questions in such a way that it was almost impossible to make a positive comment. 'So would you like to say good ridence to Tony Blair?'...'What do you think about the uncomfortable Gordon Brown?' What could I answer to these? I knew that the majority of people before me have probably answered something negative like ' yeah hes a nob and I pray he dies of cancer and I hope Brown sorts out all these migrants..i mean my 16 year old son cant find any work'. So I wanted to say something good, something witty, something intelligent, something that makes the reporter go 'hmm good point'. At first I tried to decline the invitation to talk but in the end I furrowed my brow and said 'yeah I hope Gordon doesn't forget the students'

What a plonker.

I dont like moaning..but....

Every time I go to work a small piece of me dies.. forever. For those who are unaware of the joys of my job-I (try) to sell insurance to middle aged people who live in Surrey and drive Ford Mondeos. The workplace is made made up of managers, (all of whom are roughly my age) and college/school leavers, all of which are extremely arrogant. At first the idea of working in a car-orientated place would be good as it would convince me just how pathetic the car is and all the nonsense that surrounds it, but after a full month I leave the office feeling depressed and dirty.

Around 80% of the customers are middle class First Direct customers* who live in Surrey/Kent/Oxfordshire/
Hertfordshire/Cambridgeshire, who's main aim is to receive some cheap car insurance as well as talk to anyone and everyone like they are a piece of shit whilst pouring out in as much detail how bloody well rich they are. So what your ultimately left with is a bunch of toffs who have 3-4 cars per household (one for the gardener of course) and think that David Cameron is jolly nice chap who will save this country from the filthy dogs of Europe. Add this to the remaining 20% of customers who wish they were the other 80% and your left with a solid 100% daily barrage of snobs. Here's a list of some of the questions I have to answer on a more or less daily basis:

-I hope you don't have any of those bloody Indian call centres, i cant understand any of them.
-Will my insurance cover my golf equipment?
-Could you tell me what vehicle group a BMW Alpina Coupe is in?
-Will my son who is currently at Cambridge studying Law be covered in this policy?
-Our nanny is from Porto Rico, is it ok if she drives without a licence?

So after a while it becomes more than the average 'I dont like cars very much' stance, and more of a constant biting your lip/i want to shoot you, you stupid f***ing snob syndrome. Overall the the constant snobbery overshadows my desire to feel disgusted about cars and people who drive them.

Apart from my job i have had more time to think about my PhD future and what I will do. I know that deep down I should go to Kent as they will offer more for me, and all that is required from me is to test the water when I visit there. i think that somewhere amongst all this is last minute sentimentalism about colchester and having to leave a town that I have learned to (almost)love.


*first direct customers must have at least £1,500 in there current account at all times, which makes them not really rich but rich enough to tell everyone that they always have £1,500 in their bank account. Therefore theyre not exactly millionaires, just debenham/Marks and Spencer's shopping snobs who dream of a house in the South of France where theres no (delete as appropriate) crime/black People/Tony Blair/nanny state/hippies/speeding cameras/parking tickets/
For more info see http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6148776.stm

'A change is as good as a rest' (??)

Today I went to see my supervisor for my dissertation to discuss my PhD research proposal for Kent and I received an overwhelming response and now I dont know quite what to do. I had a really good talk and we agreed on everything that I proposed in my research, it was almost bordering creepiness on how much we agreed. The current situation is that I could easily stay in Colchester for the next 4 or so years and complete my Phd with the same supervisor with the possibility of teaching. Or I could go to Kent and start afresh with a new supervisor and a new environment.
At the beginning of May i really wanted to go to Kent due to its EU ties and because one of my tutors recommended it as the department would suit my 'appetite'. But now these comments from my current supervisor have thrown me off balance, which is ok, but at the moment im feeling a little sentimental about Colchester, so these comments have made me want to stay. Now im completely stuck.

My friend Matt has kindly suggested that we should drive to Canterbury and meet my proposed supervisor so that at least I know what is exactly on off and to see whether or not I would get on with the department there. I think this is the most pragmatic answer to my dilemma as it would probably answer a few questions I have ringing in my ears.

Cansei De Ser Sexy

Since the move the last few days have been quite good. I have managed to move forward with my dissertation and i think that I am finally confident about my PhD research (although i haven't actually got into a university). There has been a few bits of news that have backed up my idea which is always good.
Being back on campus has maybe made me feel a bit better as well-its almost like facing a jail term, knowing that I will be here for 2 or so months means that I have to serve my time and finish my dissertation. Its strange to be doing uni work over the summer as in previous years its either been working in a rubbish job or thinking about working in a rubbish job.

On a more mundane level Ive also realised that since my ipod broke i am listening to more music. Out of all of the 'new' bands ive listened to these have to be the best.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xT_C-NGB_1c

Moving, keep on moving-where I feel Im home again.

In short, the last week or so has been hell: the one long giant turd of hassle and complication that is moving. Its been difficult because we have no idea where we will be in a few months. Not only that but we have no permanent residence and so we have had to disperse our belongings to various people. Our friend Felix kindly rented a van and drove our belongings here there and everywhere (thanks Mr Behling I dont know where we would be without you or your Muller corner yogurts). Half of our stuff is at his place and the other half is at Matts (thanks to you as well!). Anyway before this turns into an acknowledgments post i'll just say that moving is painful and Im just glad that its over and now we can start to write our dissertations.

Me and Vuokko are both back on campus in a tiny room that overlooks the river colne and south courts. It is almost full circle as this is where we more or less first started. I would like to think that its nice and funny that we have gone full circle, but i cant help but want to move out of colchester and start something new. Nonetheless we are here now and its is here we will stay for the next two months.

My dissertation is still not going anywhere, although I think that now I am settled for a few months I should be able to crack on with it. For now I just feel washed out from moving. I cant begin to imagine what its like to move a whole house load of lifetime possessions. But then I don't really want that kind of boring 'real life' to begin any day soon. I know that deep deep down all this is worth all the hassle and that someday we will reap the fruits of our labour..and all that.