Today was my last tutorial of the autumn term and generally I'm happy its over. This term has been really good and I have enjoyed the teaching so much but I really hate the commute. Next year will be even better as the course looks at what I find interesting in EU law and so I guess I will be more eager to go to teach and possibly not mind the commute as much.
I also received my dissertation grade and final mark for the masters. I got an overall 2.1 for the masters but a 1st in the dissertation which I'm so happy about. I really didn't think that the masters would ever end but I think with the grade I received I can finally close the page on that era of my life. So whats next? I don't know. And this subject has been bugging me like hell. I can now officially apply to Helsinki which is good but the waiting will probably do my head in. Maybe I'll just have to try not to think about it.


I have also been reading a manuscript for someone at Helsinki which has been quite good (despite the moaning). It feels good that finally I am being rewarded for the work I have put into law and the masters. I am roughly half way through the work and I really have to get it done before next week.

Back to the teaching, its been such a learning curve... I have to know the subject so well and Its weird to go back and learn a subject so well. I have had to 'crack' certain cases and areas that I have always ignored or avoided so its refreshing to not be afraid and confident about the subject as a whole.

So much for being liberal....

I had a pretty good weekend, in fact probably one of the best since I’ve been in London. Friday I went to the last Sibelius and Beyond concerts organised by Vuokko's work place which was really good. I have been going to a few of these and although they are something that I wouldn’t go to on my own accord they are nice to see. After this we went to the pub and then an after party at one of Vuokko's friends near London Bridge. I think the best part of this was taking the taxi across London bridge which was amazing. The view across the river is something else and is something that I have never done before. I've got to know Vuokko's friends and it is sad that they will be leaving soon. But overall the night went really well and I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in a long time.

Saturday my friend Ian came to visit, which was miserable to start of with as, I had a semi hangover and was generally tired. But the evening picked up as we went to a few pubs and then Angel's Kings Head Pub which we have wanted to visit for a long time. There we saw a blues band which on closer inspection turned out to be transvestites. I got a bit obsessed with this idea and although the idea of a transvestite band is not unimaginable, actually witnessing one shocked and inspired me no end. Anyway I don’t want to turn it into a big deal so I'll say no more than maybe I am a David Cameron at heart.

I’ve pretty much hit bottom today at work. In fact i think I've realised the major criticism of working in a 9-5 job: there’s no point in me being here. I should be at home, I’m wasting time and energy sitting in an office doing nothing all day. Of course this I cant go home-I wont get paid, so I’m left to sit here to do some 'work' (ie copy and pasting my update from word).

I want to be honest with the employers (HM Government) and say something. I want to jump on my desk and tell them. 'look im not doing anything, and nor is anyone else! Were all sitting here writing emails to our partners and friends. Were all in meetings summoning up vacuous guff about nothing! Were all drinking tea because there’s nothing to do! But I wont, I'll just fill my time-sheet in and wait for the ship to sink.

Apart from the fact that no one really does anything here, there’s also the overwhelming physical presence of men-fat men to precise - who sit around and talk absolute twaddle. The whole building is swarming with them. They’re in the canteen, the hallways, the meeting rooms, in the toilets, they’re even in front of me now waffling about...well nothing really. I'd say 80% of the high-paid jobs are held by men in their 40/50 who's jobs include saying 'yah yah yah' very loudly. They obviously deserve to be there by default but some of the questions and comments they ask others or I am asked sum up their level of intelligence. Heres a few of my favourites...

-Where’s the out-post tray?
-Can I minimise this internet explorer thing?
-Can you change my ring tone for me? ('no not that one that sounds too gay').
-I’m not giving to children in need, I’d rather give to the soldiers in Iraq.

An update....

A fair bit of water has passed under the bridge since my last update which seems a lifetime ago and I can literally feel Christmas’ sharp consumer obsessed teeth biting my arse. Therefore I feel that I little update is required. I have a lot to do before the Christmas break and strangely it is all academic based. Since I submitted the dissertation in September I have become more involved in the academic world than I ever was when I was studying. The GTA position is brilliant and I am really enjoying it. It’s a real pleasure to teach something that I not only enjoy but also want to learn more about. I have literally gone back to the beginning with EU law. I am reading the new edition of the undergraduate textbook and learning it all again through the eyes of a student and a GTA. Although I am in the class for 50 minutes the classes fly by in what feels like 5 minutes. Apart from the teaching I am somewhat treated as an equal in the only University that I have ever known. Its an odd feeling but a good one. The only downside is that every week that passes is an extra week when I could be doing a PhD. My would be supervisor has given me access to a Legal Library in Russell Square, but that’s as close as the PhD as I get. I have had far too many talks with other tutors and would be supervisors that I am somehow sick of talking about starting the PhD and desperate to actually start it. I have applied to other universities but there is nothing just yet to get excited about, although I may here something by the beginning of next year.

Work is pretty much benchmark office/governmental work which bores me to tears on a daily basis but pays the rent and what not. This is obviously compensated by my weekly stint back at University and overall I guess its not going too bad. I think me and Vuokko did go through an anti-London episode but it hasn’t turned out too bad. Its expensive as Tokyo jewellers and there is the robotic feeling of getting-on-the-tube-going-to-work but I’ve started to ‘live for the weekend’ which is awful but an honest summary.

Now that I finally have internet at work, im going to be doing a lot of updating and what not to pass the time away.

Read on if you like cheese....

Since I started Uni I began to think that everyone I met had an impact on my life. This is true and can be proven through the people I have met. Most people don’t stay very long, in fact I may have only known someone for a couple of months before they went back to their own country. Some people come and go and some stay for a long time. Anyway, my point is that everyone has their little part or role in shaping me or making me think differently. I haven’t really met anyone new in a while but now I am at work I have met people who I would never have met before. People from different class and creed, from different backgrounds etc.. One of them I sit next to everyday at work. If it wasn’t for him I think my job would be completely boring and I would lose the will to live by 10. The chap I sit next to is cool and although he comically looks 37, he is my age so we get on ok. We probably wouldn’t have crossed paths outside of work as he is an artistic actor type person and I am a boring law person. My point is that this one guy has kept me a sane in a dull job and I have learnt a lot about stuff I would never have known (like the ins and outs of being a struggling actor and what its like to be ginger), and hopefully he has in some way learnt something from me. Eventually we will go our own ways and maybe never see each other again, which is sad, but at the same time how life goes. Just like others who have been and gone, I think of them and smile, or pull a funny face, or sigh and think ‘what the hell was he/she about?’ And so the circle goes…people come and go and, some with impact, others without (going to the extreme of corniness!!) we live and learn etc etc the end.

So that’s what I was thinking about today.

Even good news is bad news.

London, I guess, is a bit like one of those slot machines in amusement parks-the ones where the shelves slide on top of each other and when you put money in you have a chance of getting some out. Ha! The trick is though that if you dont know where to put the money (or if you run out o money) you probably wont win much. In fact you will probably lose all your money and think 'what was the point in that?' Right now that's almost how I feel, but not quite. Im willing to give this adventure a run for its money (no pun intended).

The title of this update refers to the news I got today. My tutor emailed me to say that I had got the GTA teaching post at uni for one hour a week. At first I was thrilled, but then I started to realise that it wasn't really worth doing-the money I would get would barely pay for the train and my lunch. It would of course be a great experience and it would look great on the CV. But I really have to think things through.

This then got me thinking on the bus home. My problems are ridiculously trivial compared to others-but- other peoples woes are ridiculous in comparison to mine. I cant start my Phd for financial reasons, in fact I still havent paid for my masters yet. You could say that im living well beyond my means. In all honesty I dont mind, im doing something I want to do. Im living in London, im experiencing it all and Im going to give it a try. I will pay my debts and go on living. Of course there are many people out there who dont have a degree let alone any education, or a roof over their heads, so therefore my woes are trivial to the extreme. However there are people out there who dont know how lucky they are and have what they desire but still complain. I brush pass them everyday to work, I even know a few. Nonetheless I will continue in this London experience (thats what it has become in conversations and in my mind) and I will try my best to start the Phd whether its at in the UK or elsewhere.

Right then.. a quick round up of the last month or so..

I cant sum up has happened as not much has really happened but at the same time a huge part of my life ended (leaving colchester) and a new chapter begun (moving to London). I, at least, left Finland feeling a bit anxious about the whole thing but now I feel at least partially integrated into a London life. We have a bedsit in North London and ive even managed to get a temp job in the civil service working for the VOA (council tax to me and you..) which overall is much more than I ever anticipated. Two Mondays ago Vuokko had a rash and headache so therefore went into hospital with suspected meningitis which threw us both off balance. The rash/headache didnt turn out to be meningitis but she has been feeling terrible since. I have seen her go through quite a lot of physical pain over they ears and she usually handles everything thrown at her but this was something else. The pain climaxed a few days after her being discharged from hospital and ultimately she broke down in pain and frustration.

The hospital couldnt work any of it out and by the end of the week the best analysis was exhaustion. So now we are here in Islington finally back to normal, however it would be an understatment to say that the last few weeks were hard and that actually 'living' here hasnt started yet. Im still physically and mentally tired from it all and hopefully this next week will be a return to normality.

My job is quite dull but the civil service was something I couldn't turn down and is something that i could hopefully progress in but we'll see. I will be there until at least the end of december so if anything it will be a good bit of experience. Apart from that theres not much to report. Tomorrow we're going to see a dutch (danish?!) band called 'Oh No Ono'.

This wasnt the best update but its the best i could muster up right now!