My birthday surprise was a surprise. Yesterday I had my first ever full body massage! I did not know what my gift was until we walked into the sports centre. At first I didn't want to go and walked off which was obviously a selfish thing to do but I guess it was a mixture of shock and surprise. After 5 minutes or so I pulled myself together and went in, filled a health and safety sheet in and had my massage. It was brilliant! I have always suffered from a bad neck and the person carrying out the massage pushed and pulled all my muscles into place. One of the reasons why I hesitated to go in was that having a massage is both 'gay' and 'erotic' but I can definitely say that it is neither of the above. I can only liken it to a trip to the hairdressers where both parties make brief conversation and a service is given to the customer. I guess that my initial hesitation was due to my working class background ethos that being pampered is for poofter woofters. But balls to that. If I had the money I would go every week.

The gift was not just a pampering experience but also a realisation that the body is a finely tuned instrument that requires attention and maintenance. As I lay on the massage table I began to think about how little exercise or stretching i do and Its little wonder how my back gets so stressed. The room was also littered with health posters and body maps explaining why certain parts of the body react in certain ways. Bright red ears-too much red meat/smoking, stomach cramps-poor diet, bad back and joints-lack of vitamins etc. These are all of course familiar problems and there is an epidemic in this country due to a cocktail of poor diet and no exercise but what struck me as i lay there was that I do bugger all. Even though (purely due to my genes) I am slim and relatively healthy looking (the masseuse probably had the same trouble that a hairdresser has when cutting the hair of a practically bald person), my insides are a mess. So the long and short of it all is that I should learn to take care.


After my massage we went to town which was per usual full of chavs whos only aim in life is to shout out 'C***' as they drive past in their Renault Clios. We went to the What? bar in town. Which was nice.





'Fe' Guevara..ooh tough guy!